The h&v guide to that part of the season when summer seems a long way off

[martin@]

West Ham (home). The must-win of all must-wins. Stuck on TV for some obscure reason, probably so anyone who didn’t believe how bad we were last time they saw us can realise that they weren’t seeing things. Whatever the reason, we’ll be visited by the entire travelling circus that is West Ham United FC. Allardyce the Stone Age man, the Poison Dwarf, Tumnus and the Tattooed Lady, they’ll all be there. Unless, of course, they’ve gone to Rio or Beijing in search of a club with a new stadium. They started off well and have begun to play badly, which usually means they’ll start to recover round about 1.30 this afternoon. However, no defeatist talk here. Three points and a few goals. Things newfootie fans won’t know: West Ham’s most famous celebrity supporter used to be David Essex. Now it’s James Corden. This is not progress. FA Cup fifth round (vacant). Enjoy your day off lads. Arsenal (away). We shouldn’t be playing here today. We should be playing a few miles away, tomorrow. And whose fault is that? Never mind, they’ve got the chance to put it at least partly right today, and I’m sure they will. Blind optimism – it’s the only way. As we point out whenever this game comes round, we’ve got a surprisingly good record at the Emirates, or at least not as bad as our record at some other grounds. Arsenal are supposedly about to fade away, just like they are every year. They haven’t yet, and if they do we won’t be taking their place. I’d like to think we